Thoughts

8/19/2007

Today Karin and I were to meet at Jan’s house so we could climb the mountain together – but I believe last night we were so tired that we got our meeting place confused. I waited for her until an hour after our meeting time and fell asleep a little on the bed.

I took the bike out (It was a Sunday so there was not much to do) and explored, peddling my way through the town. I found a garden, with a small stream to sit by and write. I found the other side of the lake (which seems to be more residential) and by the time it turned into evening I got the idea to go back to the Orange Cinema to find Karin and maybe watch another film.

By sheer chance, Karin had lent me one of her Orange Cinema employee shirts – so when I arrived at the theatre, I walked past ticketing and VIP completely undetected – it was kind of like wearing the invisibility cloak from Harry Potter.

This time instead of sitting outside, I sat with Karin and the other servers behind the bar, watching “Knocked Up.” I had to avoid the occasional customer who would come to me in German asking for something. I enjoyed free brownies and sparkling water with a big grin on my face.

After the rain had stopped, I took my wet bike back home and while I was riding past the Zurich Lake…I felt intensely lonely. The lake was so beautiful; it was black with the colored lights of the boats and homes reflecting their warmth on its current. The sky was vivid black-blue with clouds still visible underneath the crescent moon. My heart felt like it was being pushed under leagues of water and I knew that at that moment I had no one to share this place with. I didn’t even want to look anymore because I couldn’t understand the value of doing so. I kept pedaling and tightening my stomach to stay warm and thought of how my trip would have been completely different if there was someone there to observe with me. I keep forgetting that there is an important reason for me to be alone at this time: It is so I can appreciate and discover the things that I alone can bring to this world, and also to keep myself open to all the possibilities and directions which might come to me.